


Jet Black Love

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Polyamory, Psychological, Romance, alternative universe, slightly dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 16:58:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9616931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: Chanyeol was a good person who just yearned for some warmth.This wasn't strange. Who wouldn't want to feel warm and loved?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was heavily inspired by [Jubyphonic's version of Aishite](https://www.google.de/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwi6-7zGqv7RAhWBWBQKHaMxCvMQtwIIHDAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DUlmtKmI3TaE&usg=AFQjCNHGlspgqiL24_nf-xQx3PLWgicyEw&sig2=-PfvAOXnyycH0z1UP5hXjg). Also, I wrote it in one sitting to relief stress, so if you have any questions, never hesitate to ask them~  
> 

  
Chanyeol was a good person who just yearned for some warmth.  
This wasn't strange. Who doesn't want to feel warm and loved?  
And Chanyeol really worked for it, he always had. It had started when he was a little kid, just barely able to walk when he started to truly realize that his parent's eyes were always so pleasantly warm when they rested on him. He'd try to make it happen as much as possible, and through trial and error, he soon figured out what pleased his parents and what upset them, causing him to become the golden little baby in their small family. When he got a little older, he noticed that similar stories would happen in movies - one sibling was more loved than the other, causing the second to be sad and gloomy until they eventually saved the day and thus, took the love the first child got away. From then on, Chanyeol took great care of his older sister, too, so that would never happen.  
  
Like this, Chanyeol spent his childhood; making friends, but also making his homework, being a good son and student and friend.  
He would study until he was sure to ace his tests, but never say much about it, because no one wanted to be friends with a nerd.  
He would take the challenges his friends made and jump into a nearby river with them or kiss a girl, but never told his parents so, because parents didn't want to know any of this.  
At some point, people stopped calling him cute and started to call him chubby instead. Chanyeol adapted, and by the age of seventeen, people preferred to describe him as tall and lean, and the only remotely chubby aspect about him would be his cheeks.  
People liked to make fun of his big ears, and there was nothing Chanyeol could do about that. For a long time he told himself he'd get an operation when he was older, but he'd been a kid back then and found a better way to deal with it along the way to adulthood. Because laughing itself wasn't a bad thing, and if Chanyeol was a good sport about it, this, too, would turn into a likable trait.  
  
Chanyeol went to school, graduated, and was accepted into the local university. All went by without a hitch, as expected. Everything looked just fine to those close to him. Chanyeol was cheery, popular, smart and handsome. He had it all, but never showed arrogance for it. Instead, he was bubbly and energetic, always up for mischief, albeit his clumsiness.  
Everything _looked_ just fine. When it really, really wasn't.  
  
_Tap, tap, tap_. The cap of his pen made nothing but soft, dull sounds on the thick layer of paper. Chanyeol didn't really hear it, didn't hear what his friends were saying as his slightly glassy eyes wandered through the library. So many ducked heads, so much scratching of paper against paper as pages were turned. The library was one of those rare places where Chanyeol really was just another student. Just a drop in the sea.  
_So boring_.  
  
_Tap, tap, tap._  
He'd been feeling so... unsettled lately. Dissatisfied. Something was missing, his mind kept telling him, but what would that be? He was on good terms with his family, his friends adored him, his professors favoured him. But still. He felt a little cold inside.  
_Not enough._  
  
_Tap, tap, ta-_  
A head was raised and dark orbs met his. It was Do Kyungsoo, who had been busy observing another student until either Chanyeol's gaze or the incessant tapping of his ballpen had caught his attention. He only shared one lecture with the short, tacit boy, but Chanyeol was a good student who deemed it a given to know everyone. Most people didn't even know Kyungsoo existed; the boy blended in perfectly in every aspect. He wasn't very studious, but didn't sit in the very last rows of the lecture halls, either. He didn't have a lot of friends, but he had some, and they were neither the party queens nor ridiculed nerds. He wore a lot of black, but didn't look like a member of any subculture. Do Kyungsoo was just... there. Another drop in the ocean. And yet there was something about the look he shot Chanyeol. It was a little something he'd noticed before, but always brushed off - Kyungsoo had an attitude. A silent, firm, non-wavering attitude that had him acknowledge Chanyeol in a genuinely neutral way. He wasn't worshiping him like some people did, but neither was he disgusted by his good reputation (which was something Chanyeol regularly battled with, and usually won). No, Do Kyungsoo treated him like any other extra in the world around him. Most people were just nameless extras until they approached him themselves. Everyone but-  
  
"Park Chanyeol, I will make you write with a quill if you don't stop that," one of his friends, a mathematics major called Minseok, said half-jokingly. Chanyeol didn't miss a beat, and snapped back into it with a retort that came automatically.  
"But consider this - you'd have to deal with spilled ink all day, every day."  
"Maybe I'll just make you sit at another table," Minseok replied, and Chanyeol pouted. It was deadly effective, because his more benevolent friends Junmyeon and Yixing jumped to his defense at once, giving Chanyeol the opportunity to sneak another look at Kyungsoo, who had gone back to subtly eyeing Huang Zitao. Now everyone knew Tao, the Chinese weirdo exchange student. Weird because for one, he was dressing very differently from them, in a way that had people gossiping about him being too gay to function. Chanyeol penned a lot of it on cultural differences and soon enough, Tao began to dress down, attempting to crawl into a shadow and just not draw any attention to himself. Because the real reason Tao was an outsider was because he avidly tried to be one. He was one of those seriously anti-social people who got physically stressed from simple small talk. Chanyeol had encountered them occasionally, and he could befriend them, but with Tao, it didn't seem worth the effort. But the way Kyungsoo looked at him made it seem like it was. _What did he see in Tao_ , Chanyeol asked himself, and observed the Chinese young man, who was obviously scrolling on his phone, having given up on his studies for now.  
Maybe it were his strong, distinct features. Tao had a rather strong and defined nose, cat-like eyes with eye bags that made him look even more intimidating (adding to his height, which was around Chanyeol's), and cat-like lips. Come to think of it, they were nice-looking, with that little curl at the end, giving the illusion of a barely there smile. _Maybe that's what Kyungsoo sees in him_ , he pondered, steadying his chin on his palm. Maybe it's his fierce looks, with that silky black hair and piercings adorning mostly his right ear. Now that he considered it...  
  
Getting closer to Tao was harder than he had initially assumed. The usual, casual approach led nowhere. In fact, Tao wouldn't even give him his phone number or add him on any social media, so Chanyeol could occasionally, but persistently let him know he cared. He didn't seem aggressive or harsh in any way, just painfully timid. It puzzled Chanyeol a little. Sure, he was a popular kid, but he knew he wasn't intimidating in any way. He was Park Chanyeol, with the big ears, goofy smile and wide eyes. The boy who played the guitar on school events and campfires. Tao was the one who looked dark and gloomy, and who would take a step away whenever Chanyeol got too close. But while his advances failed miserably for the longest time, Chanyeol also felt Kyungsoo's eyes rest on him more often than before. There was more _warmth_ in his gaze, too. Something more than pure, cold disinterest.  
  
The days passed by, and while Chanyeol's friends became more and more displeased about his persistent attitude towards Tao, Chanyeol began to care less and less. Because Kyungsoo was right; there was something beautiful about Tao, something he only caught occasional glimpses at, something that was addictive.  
It tugged at the curled lips when Chanyeol made a horrible joke and shone in his downcast eyes when Chanyeol gifted him with a drink or snacks he'd bought for him at a nearby coffee shop. Well, Chanyeol didn't give up easily, either.He was determined to see more. He'd noticed the photos of puppies adorning the other's phone and soon enough, he picked up dog-sitting as a part-time job, making sure to get the timing right and have Tao see him eventually. He got lucky one sunny afternoon, when the Chinese was on his way back from the Martial arts lessons he took on the campus. He spotted Chanyeol, his eyes flit down predictably, and landed on the two small, fluffy dogs Chanyeol was taking for a walk. The hesitation was still obvious on his face, but Chanyeol gave him no time to flee the situation and approached him with a bright smile, eventually coaxing the more cuddly dog into his arms. For the first time ever, the boy looked him in the eye as he smiled gratefully, and the oh-so scary eyebags looked nothing but harmless, endearing even.  
Chanyeol felt a hot surge running down his chest, eyes wide in shock for just a second. He hadn't expected Tao to be _this_ warm. Only the ghost of heat was left, and Chanyeol felt cold at the sudden loss. He didn't want it to stop, especially not after getting such a tease for a taste.  
He wanted _more_.  
  
It was like a spell finally breaking. Tao didn't jump him, but he stopped struggling or hiding away after that. He remained oddly careful, but Chanyeol's passion was sparked and he was chasing the warmth now, showering him with attention and presents.  
Only one more month passed before they shared their first kiss, taking shelter from the rain on a deserted children's playground. It was prickling, hot, and dizzying. They soon moved in together, into Chanyeol's tiny apartment near the campus. A couple more months passed before they shared a bed, shared all the warmth they physically could.  
People weren't all that fond of gay couples, but this was Chanyeol, and he could allow himself stepping out of line that much. If any, people looked at him even fonder, for coaxing an outsider out of his shell and falling in love with such a withdrawn person. Whispers about inner beauty lingered in the air, and Chanyeol wanted to scoff at them, for they would be the last persons to spot true beauty. They didn't know anything about Tao anyway, about the playful and cute attitude slumbering under the thick coat of introversion.  
To be fair, Chanyeol didn't know either, back then. He called introversion what was actually _fear_.  
  
He found out one evening in autumn. They had been bickering about something minor, which happened occasionally among two people this different, but this evening, it turned into a full-fledged argument. Chanyeol had been carelessly ignoring the way they were both sore and tired from their impending exams and social duties, and now they were both yelling at each other.  
Tao told him off, told him to leave, and Chanyeol did, fully intent to fume on his own. But the moment he'd slammed the door shut, he heard a terribly loud crash, and turned on his heels immediately.  
He opened the door to find a shelf on the ground, countless possessions strewn around, with Tao leaning against the wall, hiding his face and breathing heavily. One step inside had Chanyeol wince quietly when a sharp edge of a broken CD pierced his foot. Tao's head whipped up at that, and he looked like he was battling a strong headache, and the urge to cry.  
"Go away!" he barked, and there was a plea mingling with anger, Chanyeol heard it. And something very strange was happening inside him, because he took another step, taking another sting. He barely defended himself when his partner was pushing and shoving him, but he wouldn't lave, either. He stayed even when Tao gripped him harsh enough to bruise, shoved him into the furniture, all the while yelling how he had _told him to leave, I told you, why wouldn't you fucking listen, I can't handle this, I'm a fucking monster-_  
Chanyeol let it all happen, and waited until nothing but the choked whispers and sobs were left, until Tao was nothing but a crumpled figure on the floor, hands tightening spasmodically in the fabric of Chanyeol's shirt, unable to decide whether to let go or hold on.  
_'I'm a monster... why did I give in to you?'_  
Maybe he had known it all along, Chanyeol thought, feeling oddly numb, both physically and mentally. Maybe he had felt it, that there was something different slumbering inside Tao, and maybe that's why the warmth he gave him felt all the more rewarding.  
Maybe, no, surely, Kyungsoo had seen it, too, back then. Maybe Kyungsoo yearned for the warmth that was hard to get, too. But now it was all focused on Chanyeol, and he liked that.  
_It's okay, I won't leave you_ , he told a sobbing Tao, slinging an arm around his broad shoulders to draw him in close, ignoring the way his fresh scratches stung.  
And he smiled to himself, just a little. It felt good to be loved.  
  
It wasn't the last time Chanyeol ended up with purple little bruises and scratches. Sometimes, he liked to poke them and feel the pain, remembering the way Tao had looked at him afterwards, had clung onto him, begging him not to leave. Warm, warm, warm. There was no lie reflected in his eyes, and with his biggest secret out, there was nothing to hide either. Tao wanted, no, _needed_ him, and Chanyeol basked in the feeling. But below the thick blanket of fuzzy feelings, there was a cool, slimy, ugly one resting on the ground of his soul. Chanyeol ignored it, but it seemed to grow...  
A whole winter he managed to avoid it. A whole winter passed by and Chanyeol was occupied being a good student, a good relative, a good lover. Maybe the latter was a bit of a stretch, for Chanyeol couldn't deny he enjoyed provoking Tao every once in awhile, only to pay the price with his body. Other than that, everything was going after a seemingly harmless routine. He hid the bruises as good as he could, diligently attended his lectures and made love to his boyfriend on a regular basis. Days just passed by, and Tao's warmth had become a permanent, low simmer in Chanyeol's chest. But then Kyungsoo had to show up and ruin it.  
  
Because recently, Kyungsoo seemed to look at them a lot. At Chanyeol, in particular, and he didn't know how to feel about that. When he and Tao got together, Kyungsoo's doe eyes would still linger on the tall exchange student for quite awhile, until it mostly stopped. The beauty in Tao was apparently gone and of no more interest to him. Or maybe it was because Chanyeol was hogging it for himself now. So when he felt the dark eyes linger on him, raking down his arms and back up, Chanyeol expected to see anger in them, for taking away something Kyungsoo had originally wanted. At the very least spite or bitterness. But Kyungsoo's gaze was still so very neutral. He was assessing him like he knew about the purple bruises hidden under his sleeves, like he had noticed Chnyeol's recent preference for turtle necks. But there was still no more than that. Just neutral observation. It was when their eyes met and something flickered over Kyungsoo's expression, that Chanyeol felt it again. Heat. Excitement.  
He wanted Kyungsoo.  
He wanted the warmth Kyungsoo gave out so sparingly. More of it. _All of it_.  
There was still the matter of Tao though. Chanyeol thought about it. If he dumped the boy, he'd never get to feel the other's eyes sparkle for him like that again. He'd managed that much in the past, with former partners, but he had a feeling that it wouldn't work out well with fragile, fragile Tao. Not to mention there was a high chance that Kyungsoo wouldn't want him if he threw away Tao. What to do?  
It was that evening, when Tao approached him in the kitchen, fingers carefully resting on Chanyeol's lower arms, the touch feathery and hesitant, when Chanyeol felt it. When the other looked up at him with eyes so vulnerable and guilty, so full of unspoken feelings and thoughts. It drowned the cold, ugly feeling that was telling him to reach out for Kyungsoo, sending a reviving spark through the cloud of warmth perpetually resting inside him.  
_Isn't this good enough already? Am I not warm enough like this?_  
For the first time ever, Chanyeol felt like he should stop here. But it was a small, fleeting thought that kept breaking the surface of cold, only to drown again right after.  
No. No, he needed this. He needed Kyungsoo.  
  
But the stinging feeling wouldn't leave him alone, no matter what he did. It was there while he planned his next move, and it got increasingly intense when the day neared. He felt physically sick when they walked through a nearby park on the brink of sunset, and yet Chanyeol still tried to ignore the feeling. He came to a halt next to an empty bench, causing Tao to lightly bump into him.  
"We need to talk, Tao."  
Any complaint died in the other's throat at those words. He'd grown accustomed to the signs and this was Chanyeol being really serious, which his insecure self could only link to one thing. His shoulders drew up defensively immediately.  
"O...kay. What is it?" he asked, eyes flitting between Chanyeol's and the ground. Chanyeol took his sweet time, because he had seen Kyungsoo coming towards them when he purposefully started the conversation. Kyungsoo often returned home through the park at this hour on weekdays. Just a little more, and he'd be in hearing range. He'd hear Chanyeol talking about Tao's little problem that would still flare up despite the regular therapy sessions he took. Society would agree in a heartbeat that Chanyeol couldn't be expected to stay with someone this aggressive; even Kyungsoo wouldn't deny that. It would be like hitting two birds with one stone - he'd be free of Tao (who in turn would even blame himself instead of Chanyeol), and a step closer to Kyungsoo. Fool-proof. Now if only Tao would keep his eyes on the ground and stop _looking_ at him like that. The golden streams of sunlight were reflecting off his freshly died, dark blond hair and dipped his dark skin and bright orbs in a warm light. It pressed down on his lungs, crumpled his insides with a force that had been slumbering inside him all along, gaining strength and power over time.  
Tao might be a crooked, twisted person, but the need he showed was real. He needed him. It was a sudden realization, sharp enough to slice up all the wounds his skin had diligently healed in time. This person needed him, and he wanted to just throw him away and look for something better. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he be content with what he had at least once in his life? Why was _nothing_ ever enough?  
"Yeol?"  
Tao's voice attempted to rip him out of his thoughts, but they turned into a rapidly turning spiral, taking Chanyeol down, down through the haze of accumulated warmth to face the ugly core he'd been trying to bury all along.  
"Chanyeol?"  
Right. He looked over his shoulder to see that Kyungsoo was indeed there, having stopped a few feet away to muster them with an unreadable gaze. He looked back at Tao, at the fearful expectancy, right into the face of someone who thinks he's prepared for the worst. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. This never happened. Talking was easy, executing a move was easy, but somehow, he couldn't do it this time.  
He took a shaky step away from his boyfriend, who reacted immediately, reaching out with an alarmed expression. Chanyeol shook his seeking hands off with his own, trembling ones. Nothing was ever enough. It would never stop. He would search and search, and claim and claim even more, but _it would never stop_.  
He flinched violently when another hand touched his upper arm and whipped around to see Kyungsoo looking up at him.  
"You need help?" he asked in that calm, smooth voice of his, an anchor that pierced Chanyeol's tumultuous mind.  
For a moment, he stared into those unrelenting, dark eyes, before his lips parted almost absently.  
"Yes."  
He registered that Tao was shuffling restlessly, but the revelation was all he could think about, filling all his senses in an uncomfortably blinding manner.  
"Yes," he breathed out again. Help. Was there anything to do? He didn't know, but the simple realization that he needed help, and needed it urgently, made him feel tiny, vulnerable and desperate.  
Misinterpreting Chanyeol's words, Tao took another step back, but before he could leave, Kyungsoo had already reached out for him. With a pressed 'Don't!', the blond swatted his hand away, and Chanyeol dimly registered a look of hurt on Kyungsoo's face. It was gone as quickly as it came, though, and the tacit boy placed a firm hand on Tao's back, keeping him from running away. Sure, he could shrug him off, but Tao froze at the touch, shirked away from it and towards Chanyeol, who was still safer than this stranger. It didn't came as a surprise to Chanyeol. Tao was still scared of himself, scared he might lose control. He had always tried his utmost to just avoid people in general.  
"You're not a monster," Chanyeol whispered, watery eyes trained on the ground between them. "You've never been a monster. I am."  
It was true. He was the terrible person, he'd always been. He might be a good student, a good relative, an idol to others, but inside? There was just nothing but a hunger for _more_ , always more.  
"You? What are you talking- and don't touch me-" Tao began, still very unhappy about Kyungsoo's presence when Chanyeol cut him off by placing his palms on the other's shoulders, trying hard to meet his gaze through the film of unshed tears.  
"Don't be like that, please," he asked in a quiet, broken voice. "Let him help us. Trust him. Trust him more than me. Please." Tao only looked at him with wide, confused eyes, but he did still in his attempts to get away from any of them.  
"Why?"  
Yeah, why? Chanyeol felt the tears running down his cheeks, felt his nose and throat clog up as he cried for the first time in forever. It's because Kyungsoo knew. He'd always known. He'd seen the inner turmoil haunting Tao, and he'd seen that something was wrong with Chanyeol, had noticed it long before he did.  
  
And maybe, maybe Kyungsoo was a twisted and broken person himself, for feeling the urge to keep all the shambles that was them together - but that evening, he accompanied them home, silently lingering by Chanyeol's side, who held on to Tao with his other hand.  
  
The routine changed over time. On a blissfully cool day in summer, Kyungsoo found himself walking in between them, Chanyeol to his right and Tao to his left. It would be a lie to say that Chanyeol's therapy lessons showed results as brilliant as Tao's. Occasionally, he'd still feel the tug, the _need_ for warmth. It was probably a good thing that Kyungsoo didn't share his easily, so even now Chanyeol could divert the need to Kyungsoo, trying to coax a reaction out of him without having to consider hurting Tao. The blond used to hold Kyungsoo's hand just to make a point, to not feel left out and to spark Chanyeol's sense of competition, so it wouldn't stray elsewhere. No one knew when exactly the child-like hand-holding turned this firm and gentle. All that Chanyeol could see was a carefree, beautiful smile on Tao's face, and the warmth pooling deep inside Kyungsoo's dark orbs whenever one of them would nuzzle his cheek or cuddle up to him on the couch. They increased in number, recently - the moments where Chanyeol felt at peace, and his heart felt full.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> It was probably obvious, but warmth equals love in this fic.  
> (Those who listened to the song that inspired me probably saw that one coming)  
> This is one of my most ambiguous stories so far, I think. Usually, I'd take twice or thrice this length to explain everything in sensitive detail, but this was written in one sitting, to get rid of my negativity.
> 
> In case you're wondering, Tao's anger management therapy sessions were sort of successful, but Chanyeol made it hard for him. Come to think of it, this is a little similar to One Question, two answers, though I haven't put proper thought into what the medical term of Chanyeol's condition would be.
> 
> As always, feel free to ask questions or share your opinion~  
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt


End file.
